Hurting & Healing ❤️‍🩹

Peace and love, Beloveds😘. The dance between hurting and healing can feel so paradoxical that it challenges our logical understanding of life. It's such a deeply universal experience, yet one we often don't fully recognize until we find ourselves trying to live with it. As if it becomes a passenger on your journey. When I realized how much this cycle has been my reality, I felt both relief and sorrow. Relief, because I could finally name what I was going through. Sorrow, because it felt too uncomfortable and familiar.

Many of us have experienced the simultaneous weight of conflicting emotions. In my honesty with myself, I’ve grown tired—tired of hurting and tired of healing. For so long, I’ve felt like I was either stuck in one or chasing after the other, always accompanied by learning. And if I had a choice, I’d choose the learning. Learning feels lighter, less emotionally charged. It is a simple process of gathering knowledge, analyzing it, and deciding what to keep or discard. But hurting? Hurting comes with profound emotions. Healing, too, requires you to dig deep and face things you’d rather leave buried or at the least below the surface.

Over my 37 years, I’ve come to understand that even in pain, there is wisdom to be gained. The most challenging, chaotic, and difficult experiences have brought me knowledge I wouldn’t trade, even if I could. I’ve often called myself “my own worst enemy,” but lately, I’ve stopped reciting that harmful mantra. Words carry power, and I refuse to curse myself with self-sabotage any longer.

Hurting and healing often go hand in hand with self-sabotage. We get in our own way—sometimes because of the pain, and other times because we don’t believe we’re worthy of the healing that’s trying to take root in our lives. The more honest I am with myself, the more I see how much I’ve neglected to love myself. But that changes now. I’m committed to loving me, fully and unapologetically. This commitment out weighs all other commitments I have entered into knowingly or unknowingly in the past.

Doing the inner work means acknowledging shortcomings, feeling the feelings, and offering myself forgiveness. For so long, I’ve been consumed by trying to create schedules, develop products, write blogs, and maintain my online presence—all while quietly battling grief and guilt. Grieving the life I thought I was destined for. Feeling guilty for the place I find myself in now. But as I remind myself to practice gratitude daily, I see how even the darkest moments have shaped me. I’ve walked through shadows before, only to rise stronger each time.

This time, though, feels different. Starting over now feels more final, more urgent, as if this is my last chance to rebuild and create something truly sustainable. My heart, my spirit, can’t endure the same paths anymore. It’s time to pursue a new direction—a structured, stable course that honors my growth and capacity. It hasn’t been easy. But then again, what worth having ever is?

I’ve had days where I couldn’t move, paralyzed by the gravity of it all. And I’ve had days filled with so much joy that they left me breathless with gratitude. Naming what I’m going through has given me strength; it has equipped me to better handle the cards laid out on this specific journey. Leaning into my spiritual practices has been my anchor. Returning to my ancestral roots feels like coming home, a home I once didn’t realize I’d been searching for all along. A home at one time or another I abandoned, despite my own discernment, spirits, guides, ancestors and the Most High urgency to stay the course, to have what I thought I needed. It feels good to be home and in step with my destiny once again.

I don’t pretend to have everything figured out, but I do know I’m far from where I started. I’m moving closer to where I’m meant to be. The greatest lesson hurting and healing has taught me is that both can coexist. You can be both the villain and the hero of your own story, yet still be deserving of your desires. Most days, simply trying is enough and when it doesn’t feel like it, remind yourself that even pain has a purpose. Pain, when transmuted, can lead to greatness. Acceptance, gratitude, intention, belief, and love—they’re the true tools of alchemy.

I used to question whether I was truly a healer. But now I OVERstand what being a healer really means. A leader isn’t a leader without followers. And a healer? A healer earns that title not just by helping others discover their own healing, but by walking the path themselves—time and time again. After all, how can you lead someone down a pantheon you have never travelled? A healer learns through experience, growing their abilities with every moment of pain and every step of recovery.

I know now that I’m on a journey of mastering my capacity to heal. Every experience I face—whether joyful or challenging—expands my innerstanding and strengthens my abilities. Yes, I may be both hurting and healing in this moment, yet I carry it all with gratitude and grace. I know my story, my experiences, will one day help someone else on their own journey. This is what makes every step worth the effort of completion. 

May the Creator continue to correct, direct, and protect you eternal;

Signed,

An Empathetic Healer ✨🕯️👁️